VietNow
National Magazine
Veterans Incarcerated
A Voice From Behind
the Walls
How a veteran incacerated
plans to prevail – not just survive.
By Matt Davison – VietNow
National Veterans Incarcerated Chair
Matt
Davison |
|
Jerry was a Marine – something he
has always been proud of. As he tells it, “You
would wake every morning to a sense of
achievement, and you knew that each day
would be one of fulfillment.” Military
service is a 100 percent contrast with
serving time. Prison life is not structured
to rehabilitate you. It’s not there
to help you survive through agonizingly
long sentences. But with the physical,
psychological, and emotional training learned
in the military, it’s possible to
do more than merely survive the circumstances – it’s
possible to prevail. And Jerry believes
that’s what he’ll do.
After
proudly serving in the Marines from 1989
through 1997, including the Panama invasion,
providing military aid to Corazon Aquino’s
Philippines, Desert Storm, Somalia, and
other involvements, and while suffering
the effects of PTSD, I began associating
myself with other former military men
whose life choices were other than law
abiding. I became entangled win a web
of disaster, spiraling downward into
a cauldron of darkness.
I
have lost many things in my life. I’ve
lost my freedom, my pride, my business,
and my military rank and position. I’ve
also lost my family and sense of dignity.
And I may even lose my privilege of living
in the United States. Of living in the
country for which I dedicated the greatest
part of my youth. For which, if I would
have died in the front lines, I would
be able to say it was worth the sacrifice.
But never mind the darkness. As I said,
I shall prevail. I shall walk in the
light and be at peace.
I realize that if I become
filled with hatred, bitterness, self-pity,
and desire for revenge against those who
led me onto this path, I would remain
a victim forever. It would consume me.
So, I shall remember that peace is not
won by those who fiercely guard their differences,
but by those who seek out connections,
and when they find them, they listen and
obey.
By God’s grace, since I arrived
at the Federal Correctional Institution
at Lompoc in California, I’ve started
taking various courses. I have achieved
an Associates Degree in Religious Education
from the Family Radio School of the Bible
in Oakland, California. I am blessed with
achieving more than enough credits to get
my Associates in Science, and am now pursuing
a Bachelor’s
Degree in Physical Therapy. I have not
wasted one single day of this 130-month
sentence. During my time here at FCI Lompoc,
I have also joined the ceramics program.
My children are delighted by the things
I can make for them out of clay – a
cup, a plate, a flower vase.
A few years
ago, I received some information from
the Veterans Administration. I responded
to some of the most uncomfortable questions
I’d ever been asked. I learned
that to be able to get help, I must break
down the wall of pride. I must acknowledge
that I am in need. I must listen, receive,
and act. Then, there came IVTP, the Incarcerated
Veterans Transition Program, led by Matt
Davison and his team from Joint Efforts,
Inc. They brought a sense of belonging,
and a wealth of re-entry information.
I began hearing of other veterans who
had struggled through almost identical
situations as I had experienced.
In the past, when
I had tried to become employed, I was
always denied. I reached out begging
for a decent job and an opportunity to
feed myself and my kids, but was always
denied. When I mentioned that I was a
Marine veteran, I was rejected by the
words, “And,
what do you expect? Favor over others?”
When
Matt and his team kept on coming to teach
us about the benefits we were entitled
to, and helping released Veterans with
employment assistance and support services,
I remember the saying of Lao Tsu, “Give
a man a fish and you feed him for one day,
but teach him how to fish and you feed
him for a lifetime.” This is what
the men and women who reach out to America’s
forgotten veterans are doing. They are
helping us learn how to fish. We are
not less than those who are missing in
action. We are human being who have made
mistakes. We are those who perhaps felt
hunger and became criminals. We are those
who, perhaps due to PTSD and lack of
help, fell into the darkness, waiting
for someone to shine a light and show
the way.
Today’s
military still suffers. We have our fallen
heroes, we have our beloved countrymen
missing in action, and we have our forgotten
American soldiers who dwell behind America’s
prison walls. We also have another category
of veterans, U.S. residents who, like those
who enjoy citizenship, serve arduously
and diligently in our ranks. Those who,
if given the chance, would dive onto a
live grenade to save the lives of their
comrades. Yet, if any of these men or women
commit a crime of any kind, they subject
themselves to deportation to a land they
would not die for. In spite of Executive
Order 9981, signed in July, 1948, requiring
equal treatment for all military men and
women, many of America’s
veterans have been treated worse than common
criminals. Finally, The Incarcerated Veterans
Transition Program team has made us understand
that someone really does care for America’s
lost and forgotten.
Every one of us has
the right to live under the sun. We dare
to believe in our common humanity, and
we strive to live accordingly. We know
that this land belongs to all who reside
in it. I have been encouraged to believe,
by those who come
a great distance to instruct us, that we
are entitled to benefits for our service
and sacrifice because we were veterans
first. Those of IVTP humanely do their
best to help us prevail.
Throughout my time
in prison, I have done my best to be
right with God and man. I know one thing
for sure – those of
us who come into America’s prisons
will never be the same again. You either
go home better than when you came in, or
you fall deeper into darkness. It is handed
down to those who willingly reach out to
receive it. Don’t just try to survive
whatever trials, tribulations, or circumstances
you may be facing. Military veterans don’t
have to survive. We have to prevail.
One
last thing. “Excuses are the
nails that build the house of failure.” Even
though we know that our nation has almost
always won the fiercest battles and has
won the wars for which we have never trained
or bled for – the psychological war – the
war against PTSD appears to be lost.
Nevertheless, there are some out there
who have come forward to offer their
help. Please help our men and women,
and I promise you, we shall prevail.
My thanks go out to Jerry and to FCI Lompoc
for this essay. I hope it will open up
windows of understanding of our veterans
incarcerated.
Matt Davison,
Veterans Advocate with Joint Efforts,
Inc., began working with veterans incarcerated
two years ago through the creation of
the Veterans Support Group at the Federal
Corrections Institution at Terminal Island,
San Pedro, CA. He has also counseled
pre-release veterans at the Los Angeles
County facility in Lynwood, CA., and
worked to get a veterans incarcerated
support group set up at San Quentin.
He received the “Beacon of Light” award
from FCI Terminal Island for developing
the fastest-growing program at the institution.
Back to main Veterans Incarcerated page.
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