VietNow
National Magazine
It's Never Too Late
You can still get your PTSD under control.
Believe it.
By Mary Tendall and
Jan Fishler
In past articles,
we have stated the usefulness of therapy
as a path to healing war trauma. While
it is possible to function with many of
the symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress
disorder) without formal therapy, it is
nearly impossible to heal trauma without
the aid of a trained therapist to help
resolve longstanding issues via tools such
as cognitive/
behavioral work, talk therapy, breath work,
visualization,
or EMDR (eye movement, desensitization,
and reprocessing). Because many Vietnam
veterans are at a stage in life where they
are reflecting on the past and looking
toward the future, a common perception
is that they fear there is not enough time
to do the things they want to do – in
essence, that it is “too late.”
Ironically,
many Vietnam veterans who have coped with
troubling combat-related symptoms for years
are just now beginning to ask for help
with symptoms such as anger and isolation.
While dogs and grandchildren might have
served well as safe emotional outlets,
there is the growing realization that an
emotional connection with other loved ones
is equally important. Although the ability
to start new in a profession or begin a
family is an improbable solution, it is
never too late to change the quality of
one’s life.
This article
focuses on changes that have been made
by three veterans seen by Mary in her practice.
Upon entering therapy, all of these men
believed that change was impossible. Once
hopeless, they have succeeded in altering
the course of their lives, and offer a
picture of courage to anyone who is ready
to take a walk on the therapeutic path.
ROB
At the
age of 66, Rob has been in treatment for
his
combat-related symptoms of PTSD for less
than a
year. He didn’t realize that he had
been coping with PTSD for more than 30
years until
he attended a stand-down to find out about
VA medical benefits and talked to the local
veterans' representative. He was shocked
when the representative showed him
a checklist of symptoms resulting from
a combat experience. All
of them applied to him.
His wife was thrilled to
see that list.
PROBLEMS RELATED TO PTSD
Anger, irritability and rage • Feeling
nervous • Depression • Difficulty
trusting others •
Feeling guilt over acts committed
or witnessed, the failure to
prevent certain events,
or merely having survived while
others did not • Hyper-alertness
and startle reactions Feeling
grief or sadness • Having
thoughts and memories that will
not go away •
Isolation and alienation from
others • Loss of interest
in pleasurable activities •
Low tolerance to stress • Problems
with authority • Problems
feeling good about oneself Nightmares • Substance
abuse • Trouble sleeping • Anxiety • Paranoia
READJUSTMENT COUNSELING
SERVICES
Individual counseling • Group
counseling • Marital and
family counseling
Medical referrals • Assistance
in applying for VA benefits • Employment
counseling,
guidance, and referral • Alcohol/drug
assessment • Information
and referral to
community resources • Sexual
trauma referral services • Community
education
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“I knew
it!” she
declared upon finally
receiving validation
for concerns she
had held for years.
When Rob was referred to the Vet
Center to be authorized for treatment,
he still didn’t
believe he would qualify as someone with
PTSD.
“I wasn’t
one of those guys,” Rob
said. He had a long-term marriage, had
successfully supported his family, and
was now about to retire, but he was very
curious about the checklist that described
him so well. Following is Rob’s version
of
the story.
“I was
skeptical about the whole thing, but I
soon realized that my family was all for
me getting some help, even if I didn’t
think I needed it. First, my therapist
gave me an education about what PTSD
is, and she told me to read some of the
VietNow articles. My wife and I read
them, and that opened up discussions
we have never been able to have before.
That was when I realized that the described
symptoms were mine, and they had really
had an impact on my family. I had no
idea that was the case.
Then came
the guilt. My kids are grown, and
what can I do now? I can’t just
change at this point.
So, months into therapy, I now realize
what has been going on with my anger,
isolation, and emotional numbness. I
have ways of working on that, because
I can now recognize what is happening
in my body when I am triggered. It has
really helped, and my wife says she notices
a difference.
My nightmares
are gone, and that is a real blessing.
I never thought it was possible to get
rid of them. My therapist said it would
be easy, and it was, but I never believed
it until I realized that they were absolutely
gone. They used to keep me awake several
nights a week. There is a lot of work
I still have to do, and my family notices
changes more than I do, but I have
to say that my life is better and it
sure as hell is good to know what has
been going on all these years. I
never thought I’d be saying any
of this, but if it helps someone else,
I am glad to do it."
CHARLES
Because of the
severity of his combat experience and the
extent of his symptoms, Charles, now 58,
made many poor choices when he
returned from Vietnam. Hs
use of drugs and alcohol escalated,
his marriage broke
up, he lost track of
his son, and he was unable
to keep a job. As
Charles says, “I quit most
of them before I was
fired.”
His history
of multiple relationships, several arrests
due
to fighting, and his inability to keep
a job, left him feeling angry and hopeless.
He thought it was best if he came down
with a life-threatening disease in order
to “end it all without anyone feeling
guilty.” Twelve years ago, when a
physical ailment affected the quality of
his life, Charles talked to a veterans’ representative
about getting benefits. Like Rob, Charles
was shocked by the list of symptoms on
the PTSD checklist. When he realized that
many of his problems were caused by his
experiences in Vietnam, he adopted a what-do-I-have-to-lose
attitude, and entered treatment extremely
motivated to make changes.
Today, Charles
is happily married to a supportive and
humorous woman. He owns a small parcel
of land several miles from town, and is
proud to say that he negotiated the purchase
without a “blow up.” He
maintains a close relationship with his
previously estranged son, who often brings
his three children to visit. Charles is
beginning to get to know and socialize
with his neighbors, and is able to communicate
without feeling a sense of total distrust.
He is still plagued by road rage, but has
managed to solve that issue by leaving
the driving to his wife.
Sadly, he has
been unable to locate the daughter he
hasn’t seen since she was an infant,
and that continues to trouble him. But
with that exception, Charles says that
his life is better now than it ever was
before or after Vietnam.
He looks forward to the future, and has
many plans for the improvement of his land,
which he would like to leave to
his grandsons some day.
MICK
Mick is
another veteran who opted for treatment
that resulted in a positive outcome. Today,
at 62, he is active as an AA sponsor, is
very happily married to “a wonderful
woman,” has
many friends, and has renewed his relationship
with his son. He owns a small ranch with
sheep, rabbits, cats, and a guard llama,
and describes his current situation as “a
peaceful, spiritual life.” Mick attributes
the quality of life he has achieved to
the many years he spent in treatment working
on combat-related issues.
Mick returned
to his home state of California at the
peak
of the anti-war movement. In his words, “I
was exhausted mentally and physically,
and very disillusioned. I had thought I
would just go back to work and do life:
go to school, get married, have kids, and
get a job.”
Unfortunately,
Mick experienced many obstacles in manifesting
that dream: he was unable to get work,
he was addicted to the drugs he had been
taking while on the blasting crew in Vietnam,
he used alcohol excessively, and he perceived
every civilian as “selfish
and out of touch with what was really going
on.” He was unable to concentrate
on school, and dropped out after a month.
He looked at his family as strangers, and
he had several failed relationships. After
about two years, because of his reactivity
and substance use, he left his wife and
son.
In 1990, Mick
finally realized that he was out of control,
and he quit drinking and using drugs. “Then the PTSD really
kicked in, and I was fearful all the time,” Mick
says. “I left my second marriage
of 11 months, and moved to the foothills
to work with my brother. I got into a PTSD
program that was sponsored by the Vet Center
there, even though I was shaky and didn’t
trust anyone, including myself. I really
felt that
I was going to hurt someone or myself.”
CHOICE
AND TREATMENT
Like Rob, Charles,
and Mick, every veteran must choose a path
that is perceived as reasonable and possible.
That may mean seeking help for substance
use, or getting involved in a meaningful
activity such as service to other veterans,
church work, community service, or perfecting
a hobby. It may also mean choosing to receive
guidance in decreasing and/or eliminating
the symptoms that have greatly impacted
the quality of life in the past
40-plus years. No one is meant to go through
this type of healing journey alone.
A variety of
treatment and lifestyle modalities were
used to help Rob, Charles, and Mick create
positive change. During individual treatment,
relaxation tools such as deep breathing
and safe imagery were taught. In addition,
trauma-release regimes – including
EMDR, somatic experiencing, and cognitive
and behavioral reprocessing – were
employed. For two of the men, a veterans’ support
group proved very helpful, but the third
chose not to attend group sessions. Church
involvement played a positive role for
one of them, while
the other two found great peace in their
connections to nature and their land.
In order to reprogram the old “combat
mode” pathways, all three veterans
learned to work continually at interrupting
their old triggered reactivity, and replaced
it with healthy action and thinking. Their
individual work on this apart from the
treatment sessions put them in charge of
their healing and kept it as an ongoing
process.
Note: Names and
some situations in this article have
been changed.
Mary Tendall has worked for almost
14 years with combat veterans as a licensed
marriage and family counselor, specializing
in PTSD.
Jan Fishler is a freelance writer,
trainer, and video producer who is married
to a Vietnam veteran.
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